Laying Out My Heart

This year I've been learning how to trust again; sounds intense, I know.
The truth is, though, that I never really learned how to fully trust in the first place; and I think that's why this has been so strange for me.
Because for me, this isn't actually a new skill, it's just something I have to learn to do better.
Today I was talking to someone who pointed out the masks that some people wear; and something clicked for me- that the different sides of that people see aren't always fake, but sometimes they're just different parts of us. Sometimes.
I have a really hard time letting people see the deepest, most personal and intimate parts of who I am; because quite honestly, I don't want to get rejected. For me, the most intimate part of my life, the most beautiful part of me, is my relationship with God- it's the part of my life that I hold closest to me. So for some strange reason, I have trouble communicating the love and passion I have for Him; but that doesn't mean that it's not there, it just means that when I'm with people that haven't gained the trust I think they should, I tend to hold back.
I'm not proud of this.
Have you ever been in a group of people and gotten and idea, but been really nervous to say it... then suddenly, out of no where, you just blurted it out? Then there are always those few painful seconds you get to wait while everyone processes what you just said; and for a second, you feel completely vulnerable, exposed, naked.
I hate being that exposed; and that's why I'm learning to trust again.
I'm learning that God is my Defender, and that even in the moments when I lay my heart out for the world to see, He will protect me- He will protect my heart and my reputation.
So, I guess in a way, I'm learning to trust God just as much as I'm learning to trust people; to have complete faith in Him and in what He's doing.
He is faithful, and He won't leave me naked in front of a crowd of a million people.